Firing Without Thinking
by NacaMichio
Summary: All the trouble started a year before the fiftieth Hunger Games. Haymitch was a happy kid in district 12 before the peacekeepers started to target his brother Hayden and spiral their lives into what would soon become Haymitch's daily life. May be graphic.
1. Part One The Seam

**I totally made this up based on the very little I know about Hamitch. Basically there are three names in here and the district and some of the main points are similar. This is how I would have written Haymitch's point of view before his Games.**

_**O1o-**_

Before that faithful reaping, Haymitch was a cocky teenager like all the others. His father worked in the coal mines and so did his older brother Hayden, on the days he wasn't in school or illegally hunting with that Everdeen guy Haymitch never got to meet. Haymitch was cocky and full of himself. Nothing ever made him a better or worse person, and you either loved or hated him.

He had a large group of friends, most of whom were girls who loved his looks. Of those who weren't his friends were the ones who didn't know him or the guys who were jealous. He loved the attention he received from the town with his work as the blacksmith's protégé. He was strong good looking and good at what he did.

The Hunger Games would change that in exactly a year's time. They watched as the last victim fall of the forty ninth Games and then all Haymitch's problems begun. He was young, too young to see any of this. Not the youngest by far, but too young none the less…

ONE YEAR BEFORE THE 50TH HUNGER GAMES

"You, Haymitch, where is your brother?" I turned to see my best friend running up behind me, coughing.

"What's wrong, Greisen?" I asked. He looked worried, and he only used my name when there was a problem. I was normally Mitch to him and Hayden.

"There's been a collapse at the mine. We need all the older hands we can get. I was nearby…" He stopped to catch his breath and I clutched his shoulder, holding him up by pressing my free hand to his heaving chest.

"I'll go get him and we can run down there." I said, but he grabbed my sleeve as if I was going to run off.

"You can't go. They won't let anyone under eighteen help. You're too young." He gasped, choking and spitting black liquid on the ground at our feet.

"What? It's my friends in there too!" I shouted, so angry already. I have been told that I boil faster than water and cool slower than the metal I work with.

"Haymitch, go get Hayden before I pummel you and do it myself." Greisen commanded me. I helped him limp over to the bakery then ran. The coal would make him sick for some time, it always did. I hoped he would never work there, since his asthma had kicked up really bad last summer.

I ran through the town and to the blacksmith where Hayden liked to hang out and help with work. He didn't officially work there but got paid for what he did while he kept Joel company. I slid past the main door and fell as if I was a baseball player sliding into Home. The snow had started to fall last night. It was a weak snow. Very unusual for the time of year, but not unheard of, just meant winter would be harsh this year.

"Haymitch, you alright out there?" I heard Joel yell. I propped myself on one elbow and shook the light snow from my hair. I hate snow.

"Fine, Joel, where is my brother? I need Hayden." I saw Joel slowly walked out the door, wiping his hands on a dirty rag before offering his hand to help me up. I winced slightly as pressure was added to my right ankle and ended up scrambling to my feet just to lean on the wall half doubled over with effort to keep myself up.

"You should go see the apothecary woman. She can help you with that ankle." He said. I could feel no heat radiating from him so the smith wasn't hot yet. Hayden wasn't here.

"She'll be busy today, 'ave you seen Hayden?" I asked, trying to adjust to the pain of pressure on my ankle.

"Yeah, I have, he said that he was going home early so he could get some sleep in before his shift in the mines tonight. I wasn't going to light up until you got here." Joel patted my back and I grinned then looked back to my foot.

"Well, I have to be going." I sighed and then took a few test steps on my ankle and he grabbed my arm.

"What is the rush that you have to injure yourself worse?" He asked as I flipped my soaked brown hair out of my face, just to have it smack the other side of my face and stick to my cheek and lips.

"The mines caved in. Oh, I am so dumb! Joel. Could you spare a few hours and go down there? They need all the help, over eighteen, that they can get." I sighed to hide the pain in my leg, now.

"Oh yeah, right away." Joel let me go, gently, then ran off the direction of the mines. I walked, inhaled, then sprinted the whole way home. I was in tears and almost passed out in the kitchen as I called Hayden's name. Hayden ran out of his room, shirtless and hair askew.

"What's going on Mitch?" Hayden asked, innocent and groggily.

"Hayden, the mines, oh, agh!' I winced and collapsed into the chair, almost falling all the way to the floor before he grabbed my shoulders.

"Haymitch, what's going on? You're freaking me out, Brother." He shook me lightly and I wiped my sweat and sticky wet hair out of my face.

"Mine caved in. I ran here to tell you." I huffed and leaned over to rub my ankle, looking up through the hair, now back in my face. He nodded and bit his lip.

Everyone told me I looked like him, but I knew they lied. He could be from the capitol. He was gorgeous to everyone, and I could say that without sounding gay. He had straight black hair that hung in his face just right, like his flipped it so much it lay off to the side. The sleepless nights gave the illusion of black eyeliner and the coal dust, he never seemed able to get all the way out of his pores, gave his eyelids a Capitol glitter as well as his hair. He was tall and very muscular. Even though he had the same eyes we all did, those grey eyes of the Seam, he gave them a new beauty.

Then his only rival in beauty walked into the room. With a blonde bun on her head, Arial looked like a Capitol woman but more beautiful because it was natural. She was tall and almost translucent, she was so pale. Her pink lips were the only color to her face, other than the blush that crept into her cheeks when around Hayden. She always wore a flannel white dress that somehow was always clean. She had some wild flowers around her house that could be ground into a gold powder, so her eyelids shined when she blinked. They were the perfect contradictory couple.

"What's wrong, Hayden?" She asked, yanking him from his reverie.

"Huh?" He looked up at her and nodded, "Can you watch Mitch while I run to the mines?" At this point my head started to spin, so I laid it on the table, using my arm as a pillow. I barely caught their conversation.

"Wrong…?" She said. I wavered in and out of consciousness because I was tired and my foot hurt, and to tell the truth I was starting to feel a hangover long overdue.

"Mines…think he's hung-over…" I heard Hayden.

"Ankle looks bad…" She said more but at this point I was blacking out fully. I woke up for a moment and was being carried then woke up in bed a bit later. I was conscious enough to ask Arial what was going on.

"You have a concussion, dear. You fell harder than you thought." Then I was out again. The blackness enveloped me and I slept, for the last night , with no nightmares.

**Hope you enjoyed chapter one. Now that I don't have so much work during summer I will be writing a lot more. Review please?**


	2. Chapter Two

**This one is a good bit longer. I promise this will be a little less depressing than the second and third books of the series. Bawl my eyes out!**

_**O2o-**_

I stirred awake and jumped at the sight of my mother at the foot of my bed. I relaxed and sighed, wiping my eyes.

"What do you think you were doing yesterday, Haymitch?" She shouted at me. I slapped my hand to the bed and sat up further, trying to kick the covers off and hissing when I remembered why I couldn't.

"What do you mean? I came to get Hayden to help with the mines." I said groggily.

"No, you were hung-over. How many times must I tell you, that is not manly, it's foolish! No wonder you got a concussion! It should have been worse! Much worse!" she crossed her arms and glared at me, waiting for my normal flow of excuses. I shook my head and rubbed my face before shakily rising to my feet, almost collapsing again when she caught me by the elbows.

"I'm sorry, Mother. I am truly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." I tested my ankle and found I couldn't put any weight on it when I was pulled into a suffocating hug.

"That is the nicest thing you have ever said to me!" She screeched. After losing her third cousin in the last Hunger Games, mother has been strangely emotional. Normally this works to my benefit.

"Mom, can't breathe!" I exclaimed. She let me go and I fell back onto the bed.

"Oh, sorry, you must be thirsty, I'll get you some water or juice or no your favorite! I'll be right back." She rushed from the room as fast as she had spoken.

This was what my life consisted of, me doing some stupid thing, like hurting my ankle and head, then coming home and being nursed back to health while mother beats me for drinking before my accident. My life is just boring dialogue that becomes Mom's monologue. Then it becomes dialogue again when Dad or Hayden comes home. Depending on who comes home, it may turn in my favor. Today , the odds are in my favor when I hear her rant, from the kitchen, cut off by Hayden.

"Hello, Mother. Mitch giving you problems?" He asked.

"Yes! Do you think you can go give him a talk. He seems to listen to you more." He slinked into the door, still leaning out to talk to her.

"Yes, he does, only because he's naive." Hayden grinned and rolled his eyes before closing the door and sitting on the end of my bed. There was a bloody cut on his face, blackened by the coal dust sticking to his blood. Coal dust covered him, but most of his clothes had been spared because he had snapped on the leather coat father had given him. A luxury in all the districts, this coat flowed down to his ankles and had only one patched up hole in the elbow. He bought it off a peacekeeper a few years before they became sticklers for the rules.

"I know what you're going to say." I grunted.

"Good, means I don't have to say it." He grinned and ruffled my hair like I was a little kid. I shoved his hand away and tried to salvage my unkempt hair. I don't think It would ever be clean as my mother wanted.

"Hayden, how is everyone, did they get out of the mines in time? Were you able to help?" I asked sheepishly. It was Dad's shift when the cave fell in. I was a bit worried.

"Dad is fine, one of the peacekeepers punched Joel, not intentionally, and only one person died in the collapse. Greisen's cousin that lives across the Seam."

"I should go see him." I mutter. We both knew and cared for Greisen's cousin across the Seam, Jordan.

"You are going nowhere; you took a pretty bad fall." Hayden tapped my ankle and I hissed.

"Yeah, went and hurt myself so I couldn't even sneak off to help you." I huffed.

"I hear what you did was pretty brave too. When you took that fall, Joel thought you had killed yourself. Pretty harsh, then you got up and ran off to get me like it was nothing. If you hadn't gotten to me it could have been so much worse because no one in town knew until I was able to tell them." He smiled and I smacked his hand away before he could ruffle my hair again. He busted out laughing, rubbing his hand as if I had really injured him. That was when I noticed the stiches across his palm up between his index and middle finger then down to the base of his thumb.

"Man, you took a beating. They going to make you work like that?" I asked.

"No, for a week we are all off. The mine collapsed so they have to make sure the fire won't spread then they have to open the other mine full time instead of part time. Strange that they are paying us for the work we can't do. The Capitol is being particularly kind this year, other than the whippings." Those had just started up again. The whippings for even minor crimes were from ten to forty at a time.

"That…" Father stepped in and leaned on the doorway. He was covered from head to toe in the dust. He was part of the medical crew and the safety crew. They oversee the rescue and the cleanup, "Is because this year is a Quarter Quell. The Capitol is going to be a little nicer this year before they drop the bomb in the spring."

"Well, hope it's something good this year like, 'to remind the rebels that even the strongest are dumba…" Dad cut Hayden off.

"Don't start anything you can't stop. Come on, we need to go and get cleaned off. If you want warm water for your face, you need to hurry and start heating it up." Dad nodded then Hayden tapped my foot before he left and I hissed.

"Get some sleep, Haymitch." Dad smiled then left as well. I wanted nothing more than to sleep. As I closed my eyes sleep slowly came, with the sound of my Mother's rant and my Father trying to calm her.

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"Run." Hayden commanded in a frantic whisper, "They will kill you, so just run." He said.

I couldn't.

My foot was like lead at the end of my leg.

Pain laced through me.

Then everything exploded.

Black, grey, and orange enveloped my vision.

Then I bolted up and the covers flew off my sweat soaked body. I huffed for a few minutes then closed my eyes as tight as I could and sat there trying to breathe regularly.

"Dad, there is no way we can even…" I could hear Hayden arguing with Dad in the kitchen.

"We have to. There is no way I am letting him be in the drawing. We have to leave as soon as we can." Father whispered furiously.

"But the fence is charged!" Hayden hissed.

"Not all the time. That's how he got into the woods. I told him to stop but he didn't." Dad huffs.

"I know that. Why did he choose this week to do something so stupid?" Hayden sighs. I feel the drowsiness picking back up. I try to stay awake and listen but can't. When I open my eyes again its morning.

"Lazy! Get up!" Hayden smacks my foot.

"What? Why? It's Sunday!" I gripe. He smacks my foot and laughs when I make a yelping noise in protest.

"I'm getting married today!" He shouts. I had completely forgotten this. It was strange in one sense that he was old enough, that all the years had passed since he was sixteen, promising Ariel they would marry. They were finally, twenty three years and two months of his existence, getting married.

"Then why are you here waking me up, you should be getting ready!" I shout, throwing a pillow at his head. He easily avoids it and I push him away by the face when he tries to kiss my cheek in celebration.

"I'm getting married, Haymitch! Married!" He dances in circles around the room then drapes , my arm over his shoulder to help me walk to the kitchen. My ankle wouldn't have been hurt this bad if I had just fallen, but no, I had to fall and run.

"So when is the ceremony?" I ask loudly as he sits me at the table and goes to wake Mom and Dad.

"About noon." He answered from down the hall. I wait for him to come back out.

"Are you nervous?" I had seen real wedding ceremonies in the capitol, all televised, but they weren't like the one's here. The bride rents a beautiful white dress, that had been worn by almost every other married woman in the district. The man would wear something clean and then they would be taken to their new home. There they would light a fire, their first fire together, then would toast and share a slice of bread. For us, there would be a little cake after.

"I am a wreck!" Hayden grins as he starts to boil water to clean his face and hair. He hands me some stale bread and goat cheese for breakfast as Mom and Dad walk in. Mom's been awake for a grand total of five seconds, and is bawling her eyes out.

"I… C-c-c-can't believe y-y-you're g-g-g-getting _married!"_ she wails, before hugging Hayden. He hugs her and smiles good naturedly and then starts to was the still caked dust from his face. The cut doesn't look ghastly, but it will definitely mar his face for a long time. It's only now that I notice the stitches and remember the events of a few days before, was it two or three.

"What about the funeral?" I ask. They can't have a wedding the same day as a funeral.

"That was four days ago. You were out for a while, buddy." Dad says. He only calls me 'buddy' when he's making fun of me. Against all better judgment, I stand up and limp blindly out the door. Why was I so mad? No reason to really be mad. I'm not mad. I'm furious. I was friends with Jordan. I tutored him in math, not that mining really needed math, and when our group of friends gathered around the meadow and wrestled, he always let me win. One time we were fighting and a peacekeeper came to break us up. He took the whole punishment, saying he had started the fight. Fighting was illegal in any form.

If Greisen wasn't my best friend, we had a deeper bond than anyone could have, then Jordan would have been. I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes at this point. I furiously wiped my eyes and trudged on.

I limped so far that I couldn't breathe. Where was I? Only now did I look around. I was in victor's village, just outside the Seam. This was the one place with truly comfortable hot baths and real stoves and even air conditioning. The only people to live in these houses were the Victors of the Hunger Games. Everybody wanted one of these houses, but not at the expense of twenty two other children. Then I remembered Gloria and Stephan. They were also my friends. I don't remember any other tributes, I've been too young and arrogant the years before to remember anything other than thinking I could win.

I don't think that anymore.

I sit under one of the nice trees in one of the well-manicured lawns. It's a warm day , but it's cool and breezy under the shade of the tree. I pick up a rock and angrily chuck it. It only goes as far as the road but it serves its purpose and I cool off a bit.

"You!" I hear behind me. I sit up and look around the trunk, squinting because grey eyes don't block out very much sunlight. A peacekeeper.

"I can't seem to place where I am." I shout, "I've been wondering around looking for aid. I hurt my ankle a few days ago and it hurt so bad to walk on today that the pain overwhelmed me. Where am I?" I ask. I am in a very dangerous spot. Some of the rules slip by, some aren't as punished as others, this was highly punishable.

"Get up." He commanded. It's Roth. He has hated me since the day I could speak. If I didn't have the wrap around my ankle then the punishment would be worse. He punches me then kicks me while I'm down. On a good day I could take him and ten of his friends on. Not today. He stands me back up and holds me under the elbow as he propels me back to my house, which is further away then I remembered. He knocks loudly on the door. I hang my head out of exhaustion and shame. Even if I didn't do anything bad, whatever I am thought to be doing makes my mother cry and reflects poorly on Hayden. I feel awful to have ruined Hayden's wedding day.

"Roth." Hayden says, answering the door. He grabs me by the elbows and leans down to make eye contact. I had been avoiding the fact that the most I have eaten in a week and a half, was the bread and cheese this morning. The fatigue, the concussion, the withdrawal from the alcohol that I had become reliant on, and my run from this morning mixed just right with the hunger. I probably looked awful, "Where did you find him?"

"Victor's village." Roth answers, "Hayden, he shouldn't have been there. If he wasn't injured already, I would have punished him the way everyone is punished…" I cut him off by spitting on the ground.

"I would beat you withon an inch of your life, if I wasn't injured!" I grunted. Hayden smacked the top of my head lightly, mostly for show.

"It won't happen again." Hayden assures Roth. We all know it's a lie, but Roth nods and leaves Hayden to carry me in. I see Aeron, Arial's brother, standing in the kitchen, washing his hands and face for the ceremony.

"Hayden, I am so sorry." I whisper. He sits me roughly in the chair.

"What were you thinking? Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?" I am taken aback by his yelling. He normally doesn't yell. Dad yells. Mom yells. Hayden tells me it's alright, that I made a mistake and we would fix it together. Not this new thing, calling me out on a mistake, a character flaw.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"What do you mean what's wrong?' He turned and flung his arms up in the air, "Three times in a month! The peacekeepers are here for a reason, Haymitch! One of these days they won't stop. They'll kill you!"

"Hayden, what's going on? Why are you yelling?" I want to ask him _have you gone crazy. Nothing makes you act like this!_ I stare at him, waiting for the answer.

"You can't go a single day without making it about you! For years I have covered your behind, because you won't do it for yourself, or anything for yourself! My wedding day you make it about _you!_" Aeron touched Hayden's shoulder but Hayden shrugged him off.

"Don't vent this way, Hayden." Aeron whispered. I stand, furious now, but almost fall over. He catches me by the shoulder and shoves me back into the chair, almost pushing it over backwords.

"Don't even storm off! That would make it about you again. I bet you were mad that you weren't at Jordan's funeral because you didn't have a chance to make it about you."

_Why are you acting like this? Something is terribly wrong!_ My mind asks him, but my fury wins out. I punch him in the jaw and we are rolling on the floor, beating the stuffing out of one another. Aeron pulls us apart and sits with his arms wrapped around Hayden as I sit up and wipe the blood away from my nose.

"They brought back their bodies today! While you were off on your little pity run they brought back Gloria and Stephan. You remember Stephan, right? The one who stole the show from you at the reaping!"

"How could I forget? He saved your life!" Hayden's name had been called. I was about to Volunteer when Stephan took his place. Nobody would remember that, and in our grief , we would eventually forget. I shook my head, "I'm sorry!" I yell. Dad walks in and sees the turmoil then hoists me up to my feet and into our makeshift bathroom. The brass tub is full of cold water. Dad starts dampening a rag and scrubbing the blood from my face and arm and where ever he sees it. He is rough. This family all loved each other, but I caused problems. I always caused problems.

Disappointment after disappointment.

He helps me limp to my room and I catch a glimpse of Hayden doubled over in a chair in the kitchen. Dad stears me to the room and sits me down. He walks to the door and just before he shuts it he sighs.

"It would probably be best if you just stay in here for rest of the day. Greisen said he'd come to help you to school tomorrow. Then he shut the door. I rolled over angrily in the bed and punched my pillow, trying to fool myself into thinking it wasn't _my_ fault Hayden was angry. It was the Capitol. But that proves Hayden's point. Everyone's point.

_Has to all be about you! You were angry Jordan's funeral couldn't be about you!_ I heard Hayden's voice in my head _You remember Stephan, right? The one who stole the show from you at the Reaping!_ I screamed into my pillow then slowly fell into a restless sleep filled with screaming Hayden and dead Stephan attacking me while everyone blames me for his death. I should have been in that arena. I'm the one who deserves it.

**Any Reviews? **


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